Not Enough to Break the Ice
by KawaiiEmiko50
Summary: Inuyasha has never been great at picking up women. Good thing he had Miroku to feed him pick up lines...Not. AU. One-Shot.


A/N: I know I should be working on my other stories, but I was scrolling through fanfiction TRYING to find something decent to read, which is a feat in itself on this site today. This idea popped into my head and now I know I won't be able to read until it's down on paper.

Enjoy.

Disclaimer: I own nothing besides my headache at the moment.

* * *

Not Enough to Break the Ice

* * *

"Come on, Inuyasha. Just this once!" Miroku pleaded, buttoning the rest of his purple shirt closed so he could look presentable. His dark blue jeans complimented the outfit, holding his look between the business and the casual. His deep purple eyes pleaded with his silver haired companion, conveying that this was important to him.

"No, Miroku. You know I don't do that kind of stuff. Anti-social is my middle name." he huffed back, clicking through the channels aimlessly, golden eyes not entirely focused on the screen before him. His lethargic attitude really proved that he didn't get out much.

Sadly at this point in time, Miroku was trying to drag him out of his comfort zone to go to some damned _club. _

Yeah, like that's gonna happen.

"Please, Yash! I need this night out after the week I had and it is just completely unacceptable to attend a club alone. Just for an hour!"

"No."

"You can't even handle a club? Ha, I knew you weren't man enough." the comment came out of his mouth and the next minute Miroku was lying flat on his back, a clawed hand wrapped roughly around his neck.

"Shut up." the growl came out and Inuyasha's eyes seemed to glow with a promise of pure torture if Miroku decided to say the wrong thing at that moment.

"Chicken."

"I'll show you, bastard." the grip loosened and Miroku was able to push the hanyou off of him so he could regain the breath that had been knocked out of him moments ago.

"We'll see about that." The pregnant pause in the room was ended in a minute.

"Fine. An hour."

"You won't regret this, Inuyasha!" Miroku stood up and clapped his hands together once, determination set on his features.

Somehow, Inuyasha doubted that.

* * *

The loud music blared through the speakers strategically placed through the darkened room, making his dog ears throb painfully and settle themselves against his crown in an effort to drown out the "music." He sighed as his eyes easily scanned the club, watching as sweaty drunken bodies grinded all over one another.

The smell in there was enough to nauseate him, alcohol vomit and body odor wasn't a good combination for the hanyou's poor nose. He shot a glare at his friend who looked to be fairing much better then himself. Spotting the bar, he walked over and ordered himself and Miroku a beer.

He found him trying to chat with a rather large busted woman, so he held back until the ultimate slap was made to Miroku's face. He lasted a total of five minutes before he walked away grinning, sporting a red hand print on his left cheek.

"Here. The faster you get drunk the sooner we can leave." Inuyasha said, taking a swig of the cold beer himself. He scanned the club again, getting a more detailed view of everything inside.

"I have another motive for bringing you here, Inuyasha." His ears perked up a bit at the sound of his friends voice, a growl threatening to slip past his lips.

"What do you mean, bouzo?" His fist clenched harder around the bottle, but quickly reminded himself to relax his grip before he broke the glass bottle and got beer all over his red t-shirt.

"I need you to play wingman."

"No." the answer spilled from his mouth faster then his brain even fully registered what Miroku had said. There was no way in all holy hell that he was talking to some fat chick just so Miroku could go and get MORE ass. No way.

"All you have to do is break the ice for me, I swear! We'll even find two girls who are _both _attractive so you don't wind up talking to another buddha sized woman." his persuasion skills never failed, unfortunately, not even on Inuyasha.

"Fine, you idiot. Can't even pick up women yourself, keh." the look on Miroku's face made Inuyasha back up on instinct before he did something foolish like hug him in public. The last thing he needed to was feel the weird looks he'd get from people surrounding them.

"Go pick who you want. I ain't doing anything fancy, letch. So make sure she looks easy..._stupid _enough to sleep with you." his beer lifted to his mouth again.

"I already found her. Those two girls, over by the bar. I want the one in the pony tail." he discreetly pointed, in case one of them looked over and saw them pointing fingers at them. Inuyasha let out a "keh" and turned back to Miroku.

"What the hell do you want me to say?" Inuyasha was hopeless when it came to picking up girls. He stayed in the confines of his apartment and only left for work or food. Sure, he'd had his fair share of women warming his bed, but they always seemed to flock to him.

"Just go over there and say what I tell you to. I'll speak from over here and your ears can hear me. It's like walkie-talkies except cooler." he smirked at his golden-eyed companion before patting him in a 'go get em' gesture on his back.

Inuyasha sighed and carried himself and his beer over to where the two girls were sitting. He sighed before perking his ears up to hear what Miroku was saying. He almost choked on hearing what the damned pervert wanted him to say, but sucked it up.

The sooner he did this, the sooner he could be in his apartment cooking ramen and watching the UFC fight.

He tapped the pony tailed girl on the shoulder and waited for her to turn around. He saw her shoulders stiffen as she turned around slowly, eyebrow cocked.

"Can I help you?" he cleared his throat as he watched the other girl turn around to see who her friend was talking to. She was rather beautiful, but he wasn't concentrating on that.

"Uhm...H-how much does a polar bear weigh?" he stuttered, finding it harder to just approach a random girl then he had originally thought. He watched as both of her eyebrows rose underneath her bangs in a look of confusion and heard her friend laugh beside her.

Her laugh was pretty cute.

"Hmmm, I'd say around six-hundred pounds, give or take a few. Why?" she responded, looking at him expectantly for his response. He looked baffled because Miroku couldn't hear the girls answer, so he was stuck answering on his own.

"Keh, you were supposed to say 'enough to break the ice.'" he mumbled a bit, a light blush dusting his cheeks. He was screwing this up and he wasn't even over here for five damn minutes.

"Oh." was all her response was, as she picked up her fruity looking drink and took a sip. He began panicking and started to turn around, but the other girl spoke before he could complete his humiliated exit.

"So what else have you got?" she asked, amusement laced with her sweet voice. He looked towards Miroku and mouthed 'now what?' before turning back around to face the pair of girls. He shrugged as he waited for Miroku's next move.

He sighed as he heard the next idiotic line he was being forced to say. "Did it hurt?" he grimaced at what he'd have to say next.

The girl with the pony tail laughed and shook her head at him. "Let me guess, when I fell from heaven?" she looked expectantly at him.

"Uh...yeah." his cheeks flamed as he chugged his beer to calm his nerves. Why the hell was he doing all the work and Miroku was going to reap in the benefits!?

"You haven't gotten anything more original?" non-pony tail girl said, picking up her drink and sipping at it, eyes glowing with humor. He began growling but bit it back, he didn't need to scare them off and have to start all over again with some other girls.

He sighed and looked back at Miroku, waiting for another line. He choked on his beer before shaking his head and turned back to the girls, swearing to himself that this was his last and final try.

"Will you please bear my children?" his eye took on a wicked twitch, showing his agitation clearly on his face. The pony tail girl began cracking her knuckles as the other girl choked a bit on air.

"NO, YOU PERVERT!" the first girl screamed, face flamed with anger and embarrassment. He sighed and prepared his final line so he could high tail it out of there before this girl got violent. "Do you want to practice then?"

He anticipated the hit, but it didn't come. He opened his eyes and looked at them. The girl with her hair down was fanning the pony tail girl's face because she looked like she was about to explode. The more calm of the two looked at him with a half-hearted glare.

"I suggest you leave before she beats you to a bloody pulp." she whispered and eyed his ears, knowing he would hear her. His growl resonated around the three and the two girls stopped to look at him.

"Damn him! This wasn't even my damn idea! That bouzo forced me to come over here and break the ice so he could talk to you!" he pointed towards her, watching a dry expression place itself on her face. Miroku seemed to notice the ice-breaking wasn't going so well, so he decided to make an appearance.

"Excuse me ladies, is this creep bothering you?" he glared at his friend and silently begged him to play along. So this was his damn plan all along!? Make Inuyasha look like an asshole and then he swoops down and saves the day?!

Hell. Fucking. No.

"You god damn pervert! You told me to say this shit! Who falls for this crap anyway! Get a girl on your own, I'm not helping you again." he chugged the rest of the beer and left the empty on the counter, then swiftly turned around stomped towards the exit.

Miroku just looked back at the girls sheepishly, rubbing the back of his head with his hand.

"Can I buy you a drink, beautiful?" he looked at the girl he had his eyes set on and waited.

"Any guy who would think up a plan so ridiculous at least deserves to buy me a long island iced tea." she smiled gently and motioned for him to sit on the seat on the other side of her. The other girl stared after where Inuyasha had ran out and stood up.

"Kagome, where are you going?" the pony tail girl asked, turning away from her brief conversation with Miroku.

"I'll be back in ten minutes." she stated before charging over to the door of the club. She burst outside of it, relishing in the cold wind cooling her heated skin. She looked both ways, trying to catch a glimpse of silver. She saw him right before he slid into the driver's side of a car in the parking lot.

She raced over to him and knocked on the window. She waited for a few seconds before the window rolled down. She was greeted with an angry looking hanyou and she smiled.

"What do you want? Haven't I already made enough of a fool out of myself?" his voice was husky, and it sent a shiver down her spine. The club's loud noises definitely left this characteristic of his voice hidden.

She leaned in so her head was inside the car and placed a confident smirk on her face. "I really like your outfit." she watched as his eyes widened a bit in surprise before he let out a "keh, so?"

"I bet it would look better on my bedroom floor." his eyes turned sharply towards hers as she stared directly into them. He gaped at her for a minute before leaning over to unlock the passenger side door.

"I bet they will." he smirked as she slid in and pointed him in the direction of her apartment.

* * *

"Where did Kagome go?"

"She and Inuyasha are probably doing the dirty as we speak, Sango. Say, let's go follow in their example, shall we?" she slapped him and stood up, walking herself to the door.

"Ten minutes my ass, Kagome."

* * *

Well, there you go. It was hard picking these lines, and here are a few I found remotely repulsive and hilarious at the same time, but didn't fit in with this one shot.

My dick died. Can I bury it in your ass?

Hey baby, can I use your thighs as earmuffs?

I wish you were a door so I could slam you all day.

Get on your knees and smile like a doughnut.

LMFAO. Okay.

_Feedback is love._

_-_Caitlin


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